Tragic

We got news today that Tyler's first dad (birth father) passed away suddenly. He was only in his mid-20s. I feel VERY conflicted about this news. Mostly, I'm really sad for Tyler...and he has no idea yet of what he has lost. I always expected that one day, Ty might be interested in talking with J about family history, health history, life in general...I don't know. It's like half his roots have just been cut away. B only knows so much about J's life (how well do teenage boyfriends and girlfriends REALLY get to know each other?)

I know J's mother is living, but I've heard some stories about her that make me very VERY hesitant to try to contact her. I also found out that J had another child with another woman only a few months before Tyler was born...a girl (both B and this other girl were pregnant at the same time). He was paying child support for this little girl and, based on his MySpace page, he did spend time with her. I thought about it and decided to contact a friend of both J's and his daughter's mother - to act as a go-between and to try and get contact info for Tyler's half-sister. They are too young to understand any of this right now, but one day they might like to be in contact.

We'll see if the little girl's mother has any interest. I don't know if she even knows that Tyler exists. It could be a really serious shock to her. I didn't want to wait, in case J's MySpace page vanishes. I'd have no way to locate any of his friends.

In the mean time, I don't know how to explain my tears to Tyler. I also still need to contact B and see how she is doing. She hasn't talked about J for a long time. They were living together for a while, but she moved before Christmas and forgot to tell us. I wonder if they aren't together anymore, since J had no photos of her on MySpace.

It's been a weird and horrible day.


Update: We heard from B's mother late last night. Apparently they were still living together and had just moved to a new place. B was the one who found J. She says he just dropped dead on the bathroom floor. No clue why. Hopefully she'll let us know what the medical examiner discovers. There was some talk about liver disease. At such a young age, the implications terrify me!

Comments

Lori said…
Your first sentence felt like a kick in the gut to me. I can only imagine what it felt like for you.

You are a good mama to Tyler -- wanting the best for him now and forever.

Hugs.
Two Write Hands said…
That really is tragic--and I'm sorry for you and Tyler both, for obvious reasons. Virtual hugs for you.
Kelly said…
I'm sorry Becky. That is very sad.
((hugs))
Donna H said…
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this horrible loss right now. You have such a big heart and so much love for your boys, it is so evident in everything you do.
Tyler has something that many young boys who lose their fathers (bio) don't have, a truly loving family and his real dad. Hang in there. My deepest condolences and prayers for everyone who shared in J's life.
Anonymous said…
Oh Becky... I'm so sorry. How awful and sad for everyone involved.

Have a ((((( ))))).

Sara xxx
Anonymous said…
I am so sorry for everyone involved. What a horrible shock when someone so young dies so suddenly.
Hugs
Barbara
Chris said…
Hugs to you and Tyler. Maybe this is why he ended up with you, because this was going to happen. I'm not in to fate too much, but in cases like this you have to wonder.

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