Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Conversations: Tyler on Music

"MOM! Please turn off the radio! I hate music. It hurts my ears."

As the boys continued to act up noisily in the back seat I turned the radio up LOUDER.

"Come on Mom! This stuff is horrible!"

I cringed. He was insulting Tears For Fears. Classic 80s. So I began to sing along. As the commercial break came on, I said, "Ty, maybe if you listened to the words or thought about the instruments that make the music, you might understand better why music is cool and another way to express your feelings."

Tyler made a disgusted noise. "They sing too fast. Who can understand what they are singing anyway..."

So I began to sing the lyrics to the next song to Tyler, clearly so he could understand what I was singing. "Once I ran to you. Now I'll run from you..." Oh yeah. Tainted Love! Max laughed.

"Ahhh! Mom! Stop! This is horrible!"

"OK Ty. I guess I'll never be on American Idol, huh." It's not the first time he's complained about my singing.

"Nope. It's too expensive, right?"

"What?? No no. They pay all the expenses for the people on the show. It's free for them to be on it." That too expensive comment left me a little bewildered.

"Oh! So you COULD be on it if you wanted to? It's not too expensive?"

"Well, no. I'd have to try out. You know, pass an audition in front of judges...maybe in New York City..." I decided to ignore the fact that I am way too old, just for the sake of this discussion.

"Oh. Well that's easy then. You could do that. I love New York."

"Ty, are you telling me you think I could be on American Idol?? You're joking, right?"

"No Mom. I'm serious. I think you'd be great on that show. But I still hate singing."

Hmm. Tyler thinks I could be on American Idol but he wouldn't watch the show, because he hates singing. Over all, this conversation left me feeling good. Confused, but good.

After a long pause, I suddenly burst out; "And the next American Idol is...Mommy!" [insert enthusiastic crowd noise sound effect]

Max said, "Yay Mommy!!!"


Sunday, March 15, 2009


I find myself using parenting phrases based on false or dubious scientific evidence quite frequently. You know those phrases...

  • Don't swallow the seeds, it might sprout in your belly!
  • Stop making that face, it could freeze that way!
  • Don't sit so close to the TV, you'll go blind (or cross-eyed)!
  • Don't stand in front of the microwave, you'll cook your brain!

Yes, I've joined the parenting conspiracy of misinformation used to make our children conform to a certain standard of behavior or to keep them safe. But I find myself using a new phrase, of late. Sadly, this one can't be laughed off as the paranoid myths passed on from our own youth.

  • Don't put that in your mouth, it might be Made in China!

I know. It's sad, isn't it? But with Max testing positive for lead a few months ago, I am unwilling to take any chances. I do realize not EVERY toy is made in China; but really, MOST of them are these days! And yes, not everything made in China contains lead. But I have no way of knowing what is safe and what isn't short of throwing out every toy here and starting from scratch. It's easier to just keep reminding the boys not to put them into their mouths. (And it's working because Max's blood test yesterday showed no trace of lead.)

Am I the only parent to add this new phrase to her lexicon? I wonder if it will be as enduring as "You'll shoot your eye out!" I hope not.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Max + Tyler + Bathroom Door = ER Visit

Don't you just hate Mom Math?
The good news is Max's finger wasn't broken and they were able to use that cool dermal glue to reattach the tip. Bad news, he will probably lose his fingernail and keeping a bandage on a curious 2 year old is a total exercise in futility.
Mom + Injured Baby + ER Visit = 10 years off my life and more gray hair.
Anyone got any valium they can send me? Thanks.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Hey Max! Who is our President?

As promised...the video!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


I get into the funniest conversations with my boys. The other day, Tyler was watching one of his favorite kid channels and an infomercial type segment featuring our new President came on. Max looked up at the TV and yelled "Barack Obama!" very excitedly. My jaw dropped! Max is 2. Where the the heck...who the heck taught him... I was flummoxed! I started laughing hysterically. He can say the name so clearly!

Then Tyler looked at me with a serious look of concentration on his face. "Mommy? Why is Obama black? They keep saying he is our first black President." Ummmm. Oh boy. So I launched into a discussion about race and uses of specific color words to represent someone with a specific skin color and how some people place a lot of importance on those colors (but not us). Then I talked a little about how those terms have changed over the years. And the origins and ancestry of certain races and why there are different skin colors. I was just trying to think of a way to explain slavery and America's more sordid past when I saw Tyler looking rather glazed.

He said, "Mommy...I just want to know why they call him black when he's not. He's more brown. Or tan. I don't know. What color do you call it? I'm...tanish. Right?" I said, "Beige? and President Obama is more light brown?" Tyler's face lit up and he said, "Yes! He is light brown!" Then he returned his attention to the TV, completely satisfied.

*sigh* I really need to stop over-explaining things and just K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid.)

"Barack Obama!"

Yes, Max. That's him. I've got to get him on video saying that. It's just too cute!