FREAKING OUT!

I got a call from our adoption agency this morning. There is a baby WAITING FOR US...right NOW. He was born yesterday and will be ready for discharge tomorrow. All I have to do is call our agency back and say yes.

I have been freaking out for the last 2 hours. Am I ready? It's so...soon! Yeah, I know. We've technically been waiting for almost 2 years for this phone call, but... We had a lot more time to plan with Tyler. Time to get to know his birth mom. This birth mom doesn't want to meet us, at this point. Her decision was last minute, she hadn't had any prenatal care, and I get the feeling she was hiding her pregnancy for a long time. The hospital says the baby seems very healthy, so I'm not too worried about all that.

I'm more worried about being a mother to a newborn TOMORROW. TOMORROW!!!!

Holy crap!

Can I be ready for this? I'm wasting too much time freaking out. I know. There is a baby boy, all alone in a hospital waiting for his mommy and daddy to come get him. Is that me? Am I his mommy? I could really use some kind of sign right about now.

I called my parents and got my Dad on the phone. They were rushing to get ready for doctors appointments and my mom wouldn't even get on the phone. Dad was no help. I tried calling a friend, but either she isn't home or she isn't answering the phone.

I don't know how talking to someone will help. It's still my decision. John had no hesitation. He said yes almost before I got finished telling him the details.

I think some part of me is still dangling my fantasy of having a baby girl in front of me and saying "What about baby Sara? You don't even have a boy's name picked out. Are you settling? You can't do that, if that's the case. You have to be sure. This baby will be yours forever. No reservations! Are you really ready?"

Comments

Astaryth said…
OMG! I'm so excited for you guys.BUT, I know this is a huge decision, and you have to do what is right. Not just for you, but for that little boy in the hospital! And, having to get ready to bring a newborn home tomorrow? Wow, there's a shopping nightmare! I know you will make the best decision for all of you... I wait with bated breath for your decision...
Laura said…
oh my god girl. take it from me you are never ready so take a gulp and swallow and do something....me i would call back!!!!
i can't wait to hear whether or not i need to go shopping for a new baby.
Aria said…
OMG!!!!

I just called you. We're out here cheering for you!!

I can have two brand new custom baby carrier out to you within two days.

I'm so excited. So, did you call?
tammy said…
Wow Becky this is awsome to me its a sign form god. Am so happy for you. CONGRATS MAMA!!
Danyale said…
Becky
I am so incredibly excited for you and your family. Take a deep breath and count your blessings. Many prayers and good thoughts for you as you make this decisions. Can't wait to read all about it = )
Kelly said…
Becky,
Sending good thoughts your way.
How exciting : )
Shari said…
OMG! Becky, that is a sign, there is a baby that needs a home, and a home that needs a baby! Two boys are a wonderful thing ;)
Good luck. I can't wait to read all about it!
Theresa said…
Congrats and best of luck to all of you.
Donna said…
I want to tell you GO GET THAT BABY, but you are wise to think hard about it. Go with your gut feeling.
Sara said…
Becky!! Oh my gosh, I have goosebumps!! Big decision, huge decision, and you haven't alot of time to think have you. Just realised you posted this yesterday? I only just got the alert... have decisions been made already? Whatever you decide, I'm thinking of you all, take care.
Sara xxx
Vivian said…
When I saw your comment in my journal I was wondering what could it be...I never would have imagined it would be something so wonderful! Oh Becky what an awesome decision for you to have to make. I can just imagine Ty becoming a great big brother and I honestly think there's still going to be enough love in all of your hearts for a baby girl in the future...a girl needs two brothers :)
Stuart said…
Brilliant Becky!Big HUG
Anonymous said…
well obviously you are! congrats again....and as for the sex of the baby, you can't plan that with a pregnancy any more than with an adoption...you take what the good Lord hands you :-) a baby brother sounds great for tyler! wonderful news! netti
Cynthia said…
I'm just now catching up. Congratulations to all four of you!!! I am so excited, and I know, know, know you're ready, well as ready as anyone can be. YAYYYY!!!! Oh, and what a great birthday. 10/03 yields great kids.
Oh, I wish you had called me!!! Of course I probably would have not been home...I was basking in Grand Auntdom, playing with my great nephew all weekend (he is two).

He is your son. He was meant to be.

I know that when I was pregnant with Shelby I was hoping for a son after two girls, but when I saw the ultrasound and saw she was still alive and a girl I was thrilled. I know you will be thrilled at a son the second he is in your arms, and then you will wonder how you ever lived without him, and then wonder how you could have thought about maybe a girl instead, when you clearly could not live without this beautiful boy...

Oh, I wish I lived closer so I could smell his sweet baby smell and hug you till you squeal.

Your Sarah may be out there waiting for you at some other time, but this baby is yours right now. :-) There are lots of little girls in China needing you at some point in time.... I can tell you, three children is no harder than two, so maybe in about three years we will hear about another adoption of a little girl...he is just stunning!!!!!!!!! What a little beauty he is!!!!!

love, Kas
!!!!!!

I guessed that something was up when you mentioned "the baby" in a comment, but yow! I'm finally here playing catch-up, eager to read the whole saga. Congratulations!

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