I got a call from our adoption agency this morning. There is a baby WAITING FOR US...right NOW. He was born yesterday and will be ready for discharge tomorrow. All I have to do is call our agency back and say yes.
I have been freaking out for the last 2 hours. Am I ready? It's so...soon! Yeah, I know. We've technically been waiting for almost 2 years for this phone call, but... We had a lot more time to plan with Tyler. Time to get to know his birth mom. This birth mom doesn't want to meet us, at this point. Her decision was last minute, she hadn't had any prenatal care, and I get the feeling she was hiding her pregnancy for a long time. The hospital says the baby seems very healthy, so I'm not too worried about all that.
I'm more worried about being a mother to a newborn TOMORROW. TOMORROW!!!!
Can I be ready for this? I'm wasting too much time freaking out. I know. There is a baby boy, all alone in a hospital waiting for his mommy and daddy to come get him. Is that me? Am I his mommy? I could really use some kind of sign right about now.
I called my parents and got my Dad on the phone. They were rushing to get ready for doctors appointments and my mom wouldn't even get on the phone. Dad was no help. I tried calling a friend, but either she isn't home or she isn't answering the phone.
I don't know how talking to someone will help. It's still my decision. John had no hesitation. He said yes almost before I got finished telling him the details.
I think some part of me is still dangling my fantasy of having a baby girl in front of me and saying "What about baby Sara? You don't even have a boy's name picked out. Are you settling? You can't do that, if that's the case. You have to be sure. This baby will be yours forever. No reservations! Are you really ready?"