Don't call her Grandma!

I read a funny (well, funny to ME but not to HER) post the other day. It reminded me of the first time no one asked for my ID when I ordered a mixed drink. And the first time some teenage clerk called me "Ma'am". That Ma'am still gets to me a little, but I'm finally starting to get used to it. The post also reminded me of my mother (not that Ladybug Carol is ANYTHING like my Mother Carol, mind you).

Many of you will think she is just a product of her generation (it is impolite to ask a lady for her age), but you didn't live with the woman for 20 years. My mother is OBSESSED with aging. Remember the movie Terms of Endearment where the Shirley MacLaine character won't allow her grandchildren to call her "Grandma" and insists they call her Mrs. Greenway? My mother agreed with that sentiment for many years. She tried to train Tyler to call her "Nanny" instead Grandma. She has mellowed a bit on this point. Probably because *I* have been calling her Grandma for 6 years now.

I've mentioned her multiple plastic surgeries and her weekly trips to the hair salon (heaven forbid any gray should ever appear...she hasn't seen her own natural hair color since 1968.) And yes, my brother and I tease my mother all the time over the fact that she looks half the age of our Dad. I guess he likes having a hot, young looking wife; but where do you draw the line?

Personally, I think plastic surgery is over the line. Hair color is OK. Thousands and thousands of dollars each year on various beauty treatments, creams, lotions, ointments, oils and other devices? That is over the line. Altering your birth certificate/birth year and lying about your age to friends? Over the line. Lying about the ages of your children and where they are at in life (I think I finally got out of college a few years ago. My brother is still there. He is 36.) Over the line. I think you get the idea.

Now for the funny part. About 10 years ago (maybe longer) my mother received a welcome packet from AARP. When you are old enough to join AARP, you can get all kinds of cool discounts and stuff and their magazine is full of great information for retired folks. My mother? She went BALLISTIC! She accused my brother and I of playing a joke on her and signing her up. I do admit, I wish I HAD thought of it. It's a good joke! But it wasn't us. We swore up and down that it wasn't us, but she didn't believe it.

I think it took about a year for my Dad to work up the courage to tell her HE signed her up. He was annoyed that she was well past the age of eligibility and she wasn't taking advantage of all the discounts (my Dad is a man). Not to mention the fights they've had at the movie theater because she wouldn't take the senior discount. Restaurants too. My Dad would ask for the senior special for both of them and my mother would shriek that he was fibbing.

She won't act her age even to save a buck. I'm waiting for the day when she starts telling people she is my Dad's oldest daughter (instead of his wife). It's only a matter of time.

I'm thinking I'm going to add my mother's name to a few mailing lists in the coming weeks. Memorial companies and cemeteries, I think. It's about time those two got a couple of plots. It's the grownup thing to do once you reach a certain age, right? Maybe I can time the arrival of the catalog from these fine folks to arrive right around Christmas. I'd love to be there to see her reaction to this mail delivery.

Gosh I'm evil. ;-)


Donna. W said…
It cracks me up to see movie and TV stars looking younger than they looked 20 years ago: Oprah, Dolly Parton, and all the others. Who do they think they're kidding? I often wonder if it's getting hard to cast movies when you need someone to play an older person; everybody's had themselves made young-looking!
Anonymous said…
When my son had his daughter it was hard at first for me to admit I was a grandma. Now, I embrass being called grandma ... well, I'm eager to hear the words from my granddaughter.

Can't do the plastic surgery stuff. However, I would like to be my age and have people say you look!

Anonymous said…
uhhh meant EMBRACE! Sorry, my other son called as I was typing the comment to tell me he got promoted and I got distracted with the spelling and yahooing!

who can't type/spell when distracted.
Anonymous said…
LOL, Becky : )
Chris said…
Yeah, I'll skip the plastic surgery and the hair color won't help me much if my hair keeps falling out, LOL.
MariesImages said…
Aww Becky, you can be such a devil, your poor mom~
Just think in about 9 more years you will be getting those AARP applications too..Ü And let me tell you, TIME goes quickly. What goes around, comes around...Ü
My father wanted to be called Uncle instaed of Grandpa. Now, as I get up there in age, I feel like your mother, but not to the point of plastic surgery. Just want to smooth out the sagging skin a little, that would be fine. I can deal with the wrinkles.
You some point you know you have to accept age. I am getting to that point, I think...Ü
Thanks for stopping by~
Anonymous said…
Hilarious! Just last week I was offered the 10% senior discount at the grocery store. I must admit I was taken by surprise but somewhat relieved to learn "senior" was 55 not 62. I still didn't quite qualify being a mere 52, haha, but I remembered the days when people used to think I was younger than I was without the aid of lotions creams and hair color. Now I think I caught up with my age and maybe then some but heck, I worked hard to look like this...I'll be darned if I'm going to pay thousands to change it:)
Donna H
Christie O. said…
hahaha! you are hilarious! the only plastic surgery i have ever considered getting when i start to get older is tucking that floppy turkey neck if i am unfortunate enough to get it. i have gotten my husband to agree to this ahead of time--which he should because it benefits him as much as it does me. haha!

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