Saturday, November 26, 2005

Meltdown

Can you say "emotional breakdown"? I knew you could.

Wow. To say this weekend was hell would be an understatement. I managed to keep my cool, not have an anxiety attack or sob-fest until today after my parents left. It was soooo hard to put on a happy face when all I wanted to do was cry. I think everyone bought the act (including my poor husband who caught the brunt of my meltdown today...sorry hun.)

I won't talk about my history with my ---. Most of you already know it. Having my parents there made it even harder since I've been biting my tongue since last Wednesday when they arrived. Highlights of the weekend:

- My mother telling me I'm not cut out to be a mother and I should return to work ASAP.
- Mom handing me several articles she's been collecting about gastric bypass surgery and telling me every chance she got how I looked like hell and that I should go get the surgery.
- Mom's passive aggressive way of telling me I married the wrong man by asking if I still "love" a former boyfriend I had years ago (the only one she "liked") or if I have any regrets.
- Mom's confession that she lies to all her friends about my age, education and appearance. She's ashamed of me.
- Dad starting a fight with me over my memories of the day I got my driver's license. He takes every opportunity to contradict me and start arguments.
- Dad bitching that he was "bored" and feeling neglected the one morning John let me sleep until 11am.
- Mom telling me I'm a horrible housekeeper. (This one I already know and agree with, but I don't need to hear it 10 times a day.)
- Mom digging through my linen closet for other towels and wash cloths because she didn't like the nice NEW set I had put out for them. (This one is petty, I know. But it still pissed me off.)

There are loads of other examples of my parents being hyper-critical, passive aggressive, and down right annoying...but I'll quit now before I freak out again.

I almost hate this time of year. There is too much stress. Too much to plan. Too much shopping to do. Every year I tell myself I'm going to get an early start and not leave everything to the last minute. Today I finished all the toy shopping for Tyler. I always seem to do that by myself year after year. Yesterday, I picked out and got his birthday present too. I usually make the party plans, wrap birthday and Christmas gifts for everyone, make and send the Christmas cards... anything to do with the holidays except lug the Christmas tree up from the basement and hang the lights outside. I think after seeing my meltdown today, John has a better idea of how much stress I've been under.

I'm just sad that Tyler had to witness a full blown anxiety attack. I've managed not to break down like that in front of him before. He was a tad freaked out. Poor kid.

I'm feeling better now. We had a nice family birthday party for Tyler over Thanksgiving weekend and John had the brilliant idea of taking him to this new family resort in the Poconos that has a huge indoor water park, for his birthday. Tyler is thrilled and the pressure is off for me to try and put together a party with his classmates. I'm just going to bring cupcakes in for his class on Friday.

[inhale deep cleansing breath...]

All is well. We got a new Christmas tree today. It's a tad shorter and narrower than our old one. I am hopeful this will end the annual cursefest when John has to bring up the tree from the crawl space. ;-) It's even pre-strung with lights. One less thing for him to curse about.

If anyone is interested in photos of Thanksgiving/Tyler's birthday, you can take a peek a them here.

p.s. We found out John's cousins are adopting from China too! AND using the same agency as us! They are much further along with their dossier and stuff, so there is no chance we can travel together. That would have been cool. But now it's like we'll have a scouting party going ahead of us. LOL

18 comments:

adlessor said...

Well, I glad you survived the Thanksgiving day and don't have to deal with that for a while. I actually thought of you wondering how you were doing with the SIL and BIL. After readinf about your mother, I guess that's why you have anxiety attacks.
Aren't you a smartee getting so much shopping done already. Enjoyed your pictures. Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/adlessor/ACoupleofNomads/

alh said...

parents will be parents. i try to tell my mom i'm more grown up, etc. she fires back with "I'll always be your Mother!" (ie, you have to listen to my nagging, prodding, etc).

i'm so ready to pull all my hair out! lol

it'll get better. it has to, right?

hestiahomeschool said...

God, I'm sorry...I lucked out this year with having the abcessed teeth and did not have to go over to my inlaws at all...I know how much family shit hurts....

V said...

Yikes! Sounds really hard to be with your Mom!
Hugs,
V

amy said...

I'm really sorry you had the holiday from hell... Are you sure you're not a changeling?
{{{Becky}}}

Sie said...

Oh Sweetie. I can only say, you deserve a huge meltdown party after that. I remember those holidays from hell, usually it ended with my Mom being drunk and not so nice. I can only offer, I'm sorry you had to put up with that BS for days. But, the pics you posted were great!

and I've changed Persnickety's URL. it's http://persnicketypfft.blogspot.com/ just in case it doesn't register here.

Anonymous said...

sorry you had so many negative comments aimed at you. for what it's worth from your journal I think your a great mom. Having a home is more important than having a clean house or a show place in my oppion. Glad to hear that you are feeling better.

Donna said...

Boy, I've had holidays ruined by parents and in-laws. I can SO relate. I know it hurts when your parents are critical. Been there, done that.

Stacy-Lynn said...

I am so sorry Becky. Parents can be so judgemental and critical can't they. You deserve to have a melt down.

You poor thing.

Love,
Stacy

Laura said...

o kay, Becky and Laura will have aspa day where Sven, our gorgeous masseuse, will tell us how goprgeous we are, how great our skin is and how full of shit our "loving" parent sare because we are truly GREAT moms who deserve a spa day!
Hugs, Becky!
laura

Unhinged said...

I know it's hard to stand up for yourself when it's your parents or the "seemingly perfect" SIL and BIL, but until you do put your foot down and refuse to be treated this way, they're going to keep treating you this way. And maybe secretly, they want you to call them on this kind of behavior ... like a child who knows he's not supposed to wipe the boogers from his nose on the underside of the dining room table, but tries it anyway just to see if he can get away with it.

One of these days, you'll have had enough. ;-)

poetmom said...

Good grief... Did you at least have a couple drinks to help numb the pain once in awhile? You made it thru though. Hopefully Christmas will go much smoother!
Steph

Anonymous said...

(((Becky))) Sorry you had to deal with the extended holiday frim hell! Hang in there!

~Shari

Karen Funk Blocher said...

Hi. I'm just now finding this entry because AOL put two of my FeedBlitz emails in the spam folder. Thanks, AOL.

I so want to go yell at your mother (at least), which is saying a lot for someone who hates confrontations as I do. I think maybe Andrea is right. You have to see your parents and in-laws sometimes, but you don't have to endlessly take their crap. Next time, let the anger out while they're there to see it. Stay in control, yeah, but tell your mom that John is the one and only love of your life, you're a great mom, she doesn't get to choose how you handle issues of work, appearance, etc., and that if she's a guest in your home, she is to treat you with courtesy and respect. SO THERE!!!

Karen

Magogo's Musings, too said...

I'm sorry the holidays bring your perfectionist family to you-believe it or not, my parents were the same way when younger, and still manage to snide comment now and then. I know how much it hurts. You deserve better parents and other family members. I am so glad you have John and Tyler, and others who love you just the way you are. Margo

Holly said...

Your parents are ruthless! You are a grown woman with your own family. Dont listen to them...those childhood years are over Becky! I checked out your pictures..too cute! your shutterfly site is really nice. I didn't realize you had one. I'm liking your new journal over here. I would make one on this site too, but I have sooo many journals already. I put my pictures of flickr.com. They aren't put together as nicely as yours are on shutterfly though..hhhmm...too many things online to do..lol. Take care!

Anonymous said...

Becky, you are a WONDERFUL mother and how dare your narrow minded mother say a word about your weight. I would never have them at my home again. Life is too short for such BS. I like your new tree...it is really quite different than last years.
Love always, lisa jo

Sara said...

You know, every single one of those things that your parents said is wrong. So wrong. You are a wonderful, loving Mother Becky, you have a beautiful family in John and Ty, don't let the rest of them get you down!!
Sara x <-- is a horrible housekeeper, AND the size of a house ;o)