Meltdown

Can you say "emotional breakdown"? I knew you could.

Wow. To say this weekend was hell would be an understatement. I managed to keep my cool, not have an anxiety attack or sob-fest until today after my parents left. It was soooo hard to put on a happy face when all I wanted to do was cry. I think everyone bought the act (including my poor husband who caught the brunt of my meltdown today...sorry hun.)

I won't talk about my history with my ---. Most of you already know it. Having my parents there made it even harder since I've been biting my tongue since last Wednesday when they arrived. Highlights of the weekend:

- My mother telling me I'm not cut out to be a mother and I should return to work ASAP.
- Mom handing me several articles she's been collecting about gastric bypass surgery and telling me every chance she got how I looked like hell and that I should go get the surgery.
- Mom's passive aggressive way of telling me I married the wrong man by asking if I still "love" a former boyfriend I had years ago (the only one she "liked") or if I have any regrets.
- Mom's confession that she lies to all her friends about my age, education and appearance. She's ashamed of me.
- Dad starting a fight with me over my memories of the day I got my driver's license. He takes every opportunity to contradict me and start arguments.
- Dad bitching that he was "bored" and feeling neglected the one morning John let me sleep until 11am.
- Mom telling me I'm a horrible housekeeper. (This one I already know and agree with, but I don't need to hear it 10 times a day.)
- Mom digging through my linen closet for other towels and wash cloths because she didn't like the nice NEW set I had put out for them. (This one is petty, I know. But it still pissed me off.)

There are loads of other examples of my parents being hyper-critical, passive aggressive, and down right annoying...but I'll quit now before I freak out again.

I almost hate this time of year. There is too much stress. Too much to plan. Too much shopping to do. Every year I tell myself I'm going to get an early start and not leave everything to the last minute. Today I finished all the toy shopping for Tyler. I always seem to do that by myself year after year. Yesterday, I picked out and got his birthday present too. I usually make the party plans, wrap birthday and Christmas gifts for everyone, make and send the Christmas cards... anything to do with the holidays except lug the Christmas tree up from the basement and hang the lights outside. I think after seeing my meltdown today, John has a better idea of how much stress I've been under.

I'm just sad that Tyler had to witness a full blown anxiety attack. I've managed not to break down like that in front of him before. He was a tad freaked out. Poor kid.

I'm feeling better now. We had a nice family birthday party for Tyler over Thanksgiving weekend and John had the brilliant idea of taking him to this new family resort in the Poconos that has a huge indoor water park, for his birthday. Tyler is thrilled and the pressure is off for me to try and put together a party with his classmates. I'm just going to bring cupcakes in for his class on Friday.

[inhale deep cleansing breath...]

All is well. We got a new Christmas tree today. It's a tad shorter and narrower than our old one. I am hopeful this will end the annual cursefest when John has to bring up the tree from the crawl space. ;-) It's even pre-strung with lights. One less thing for him to curse about.

If anyone is interested in photos of Thanksgiving/Tyler's birthday, you can take a peek a them here.

p.s. We found out John's cousins are adopting from China too! AND using the same agency as us! They are much further along with their dossier and stuff, so there is no chance we can travel together. That would have been cool. But now it's like we'll have a scouting party going ahead of us. LOL