A Year of Max

I haven't impulsively written about my feelings here in a very long time. It felt good to just pour out my thoughts last night. I don't like editing myself. I feel my journal is much more authentic and readable when I turn off my internal self-censors. Or I just come off sounding crazy. But hey, that's authentic too, right? ;-)

Anyway... Max is one year old today. I got an email with the subject line "For your toddler..." and about had a stroke. Holy cow, he really IS a toddler now, isn't he. No more baby. *sniff*

I should get to the point of this post. I've been thinking about Max's birth mother a lot over the last month or so. Our informal agreement with her and our agency was that we would send her photos annually using the agency as a go-between. I convinced our social worker to speak with L and subsequently got an email address. I just thought she might like to see photos a little more often. I don't know if I'm right, but I have been emailing them to her on a semi-regular basis.

Now the whole "annual" thing comes into play. I want to make a photo book through Shutterfly for L to document Max's first year. Here's my dilemma. What kinds of photos should I include?

With Tyler's birth-mom I usually just send photos of him and occasionally photos with other family in the shot. But I figure she doesn't have any interest in seeing US (or any other family members for that matter). I could be wrong, but she's never asked for any other kinds of photos and knowing B a heck of a lot better than we know L, I have a feeling if she wanted something specific, she would ask.

So what do YOU think? It's hard to put myself in L's shoes. I've never given a child up. Plus I know everyone reacts differently to emotionally charged situations. B is like the Aunt who lives far away. Our relationship is friendly and open. L is a totally different story. She has distanced herself from the whole situation. I am guessing she just wants to move on with her life and not dwell. So what kinds of photos will she want to see? I'm thinking maybe just photos of Max on his own...perhaps with Tyler a time or two to show that Max is having fun with his big brother.

Does she want to see the rest of the family? It's pretty obvious that Max is loved by everyone who meets him. It shows in every photo I take of him interacting with others. I dunno. I guess I'll just start going through pictures and put a bunch into a folder and see what I come up with.


Emily Suess said…
Of course, I can't really offer any advice on the situation, but I just wanted to say that you rock for being so thoughtful and sensitive about the issue.
Liz said…
{{{Becky}}} I'm not sure what to tell you, sweetie ~ I've never been in either situation ~ giving up a child or adopting a child...heck, I haven't even birthed any children of my own! I think what you're doing is so wonderful. Your concern & sensitivity is amazing. I think just sending some pics of Max alone & maybe a few with Ty (maybe even 1 with mommy & daddy) are probably the most appropriate for now & see what happens from there.

~Aunt Nub~
poetmom said…
Hmmm...If L is being distant, that makes things hard. I think you should gather up a couple pictures of Max with family. Then gather up a few more of Max on his own playing or with Tyler. Even though she seems like she's moving on, she can move on knowing Max is loved thru seeing it in some family photos. Yup, that's what I think.:)
jennifer said…
That's a tough one. On one hand I could argue the solo Max shots with an occasional Ty. But on the other, if I were the birth mother, it would make me feel so assured that Max is surrounded by a large and loving family. I see both sides and I applaud you for being so thoughtful about her.

Toddler. Gee. It seems like just a couple of weeks ago that I was squealing with delight over your unexpected phone call. They grow up so so fast.
Anonymous said…
Hey there stranger:) Just popped in to say hello. I stop by from time to time to check on those adorable boys of yours and to see how life is treating you. I am never disappointed in your ability to share your thoughts. I wish I had that gift.
As for my two cents on this subject (as it relates to someone I know who gave up a birth child) if she has chosen to distance herself it may be because the photos and contact are reminders and reopen the wound of having to let go. I would let her know you are willing to share if she is interested.

I am trying to figure out this whole blog outside of AOL thing. Once I do I will let you know. I may start one up about the reinventing of myself...in hopes of getting healtier, fit, and possibly shedding some pounds along the way. Besides, my mid life/menopausal crisis needs something to keep me sane. The people that surround me are just too damn skinny and normal making me feel like a freakin alien at times.

Donna H
aka Dockart
alphawoman said…
Follow your heart. Certainly she wants to know her child is loved and cherished by his adopted family.

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