Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Continuing My Ride on the Adoption Search Roller Coaster

I received the information packet and forms from the agency today. Wow, that was fast, wasn't it?! There is a lot more stuff in here than I expected. The coordinator included a number of articles written from different perspectives on the topic of adoption reunion. In each case, the search had a positive outcome. Nice, but I'm not so Polly Anna in my thinking that MY case will have the outcome I've often dreamed of. There is another document in the packet that contains the agency policy on "Informed Consent". They list the positives and negatives that may occur in any search. Thankfully, I've already given considerable thought to all the negatives. I think I'm pretty well prepared for that potential outcome.

Other items included a Waiver of Confidentiality (an optional form) in case I wanted to leave notation in my file with permission for certain or any biological family members to contact me. I can specify bio-mom, bio-dad, siblings...etc. Or I can elect not to send that form and my search will remain one sided. I'm going to send the form and give permission to any/all interested parties. Uncles, Aunts, Cousins...feel free to give me a ring. I mean that sincerely.

Then there is the medical disclosure form. From what I can tell, this form comes into play if I hire a search firm or detective to conduct my search for me. This allows the agency to release my information to a third party I may choose to designate. I'll be skipping that one for now.

Next is a form to request my original birth certificate from the state. Been there, done that; so moving right along...

The final form is also optional. It's a registration form for the International Soundex Reunion Registry. Apparently, this is a not for profit reunion registry that has been around since 1975. I feel a little sad that I've never heard of such a well established registry before. I'll be looking into it, via the net, as soon as I finish up this entry.

I've been pleased with the ease in communication with the agency, thus far. They've been really prompt and helpful. I dropped a quick note back to the coordinator and included the following paragraph:

Oh, and I very much enjoyed reading the history of the agency on your website. It's nice to know that my infant self passed through an institution with such a long history of great service to the community. Thanks for helping children find forever families. I, for one, am very grateful for mine.

As I reread that last sentence, I suddenly realized it's really true. Yes, my family has their shortcomings. Yes, I've spent many years being very angry with various members and nursing deep emotional hurts. But over all, I had a pretty privileged upbringing and lots of happy memories. I think the good stuff really does outweigh the bad.

It's taken me 40 years, but I think I've finally reached a place where I can appreciate my parents (and just overlook their failures - past, present and future.) That is quite a personal revelation. Can it be? I'm just not angry any more. In the immortal words of Joey Lawrence...Whoa!

The next chapter in the story of my search...when/how do I tell my parents that I am searching. My mother has indicated, pretty much all my life, that if my brother and I showed interest in searching she would be deeply hurt. Her anger and attitude about this used to irritate me to no end. After all the reading I've been doing lately, I now know where she is coming from and I understand. Knowing, however, will not help me much. I'll have to tread lightly. More on that adventure in future posts.

Meanwhile, I have some forms to fill out and another trip to make to the Notary. Whee! The ride continues.

11 comments:

Sara said...

I wish you every success with your search m'dear. Sounds like a whole lot of forms to fill in, but it will be well worth it if it helps to find your birth family.
Sara x

IndigoSunMoon said...

Oh sweetie...I hope this turns out wonderfully for you!
Love,
Connie

lj said...

Becky,
just wanted to let you know i am following this journey with you and i am so hopeful for an ending that is what you want. You are such a strong and wonderful person, you deserve answers.
Take care.

Anonymous said...

oh wow Becki, thank you for sharing this journey with us. I hope it turns out to give you answers and peace of heart and mind. sounds like your mom has some insecurity issues, which is understandable, but in the end you need to do this for you and hopefully she will come around and understand that too. best to you hon. nettie

unhinged said...

Here letting you know that I'm behind you, no matter what you discover along the way. As long as you know what your expecations are, you should be okay, whatever the outcome.

keeping fingers crossed

Karen Funk Blocher said...

Regarding the health form: when my other adopted friend (excluding my godson) had his first psychotic break it high school, that's when his adoptive parents urgently sought his birth records. I'm not quite sure, but I think it turns out there was some family history of mental health problems in his father's side. Kevin later met his birth mother, and has a continuing, loving (but mostly long distance) relationship with her now.

It's possible that knowledge of your endometriosis may be helpful to some relative you don't know about as he tries to give a doctor her family medical history. It's something to consider, anyway.

Good luck with all this!

Karen

Karen Funk Blocher said...

Typo City! I meant that some theoreitcal "she" tries to give the family medical history, obviously, not "he."

BoiseLadie said...

I don't see anything wrong with you searching for your biological family. It may turn out, and it may not. As long as you are open to either conclusion, you should be fine. This shouldn't change your relationship you already have with your family, the family that raise you. When I finally found my real father (I was adopted by my mom's second husband...he's the only dad I've ever known) I found that he had passed away shortly before I found him. So, you have to be open to the findings, take a day at a time. Best of luck to you!

Shari said...

I wish you the best of luck in your search!

hestiahomeschool said...

I am so glad that Mandy will not have to search. Everyone she needs to know is right here.

I wish you love, luck and Godspeed in your search.

Magogo's Musings, too said...

I am glad all this is happening to you. You may be 40, but all you really have is NOW, and I am so glad you have let go of old stuff, at least a little. I am working on that myself these days.
Love, Margo