Thoughts on Infertility and Adoption
I guess I'm a tad unusual amongst the infertile throngs...adoption was always in the cards for us. We researched domestic vs. international adoption right along with the latest advances in infertility research. We considered not putting my body through the rigors of IVF, but I had that nagging voice at the back of my skull saying "but what if it works?!" I really did want to experience pregnancy, labor, breast feeding...the works.
It's such a crushing blow when the body doesn't DO what it's supposedly DESIGNED to do. It's like a cosmic joke on me. Here I was...adopted myself...and now I was looking into adopting. Being adopted, I guess it made the decision to adopt that much easier. (Hey, it worked out pretty darn well for MY parents, right?)
But I did go through that grieving process...the loss of that dream child...the one that looks like me and my husband with all our genetic pluses and minuses. Add to that the dreams of my mother. She wanted to experience pregnancy through me; come along for the ride. My body let her down too.
At my lowest point, before the infertility treatment and adoption research began, my husband's aunt (also a mom through the miracle of adoption) said to me:
"Do you want a pregnancy? Or a baby?"
It was like a lightbulb turning on over my head. Duh! I wanted to be a mother and raise a child! Of course I didn't have to be pregnant to achieve that goal!
And so I am - a mother. In the end, it doesn't really matter how I got here.
So what got me all contemplative tonight? I found a new blog I like. :-)
Totally off the topic... I did get the results of my CT scan. It's not good. It looks like Endo is out to kick my ass again. The biggest thing visible is a FOOTBALL sized fluid filled mass in my abdomen. In other words, more freakin cysts and more freakin surgery. I'm not critical, yet. I'm trying to find the right kind of surgeon but I want to put off the surgery as long as I can. I need to lose some serious weight if I want any hope of recovering in a normal length of time. I also need to pick the right surgeon(s). My gastro doc won't do it (it's outside his area of expertise) but he did say he didn't see any reason why a reproductive cancer specialist can't take care of this mess AND do my hysterectomy too. What a great thing that would be...go under the knife once and do it ALL.
It's such a crushing blow when the body doesn't DO what it's supposedly DESIGNED to do. It's like a cosmic joke on me. Here I was...adopted myself...and now I was looking into adopting. Being adopted, I guess it made the decision to adopt that much easier. (Hey, it worked out pretty darn well for MY parents, right?)
But I did go through that grieving process...the loss of that dream child...the one that looks like me and my husband with all our genetic pluses and minuses. Add to that the dreams of my mother. She wanted to experience pregnancy through me; come along for the ride. My body let her down too.
At my lowest point, before the infertility treatment and adoption research began, my husband's aunt (also a mom through the miracle of adoption) said to me:
"Do you want a pregnancy? Or a baby?"
It was like a lightbulb turning on over my head. Duh! I wanted to be a mother and raise a child! Of course I didn't have to be pregnant to achieve that goal!
And so I am - a mother. In the end, it doesn't really matter how I got here.
So what got me all contemplative tonight? I found a new blog I like. :-)
Totally off the topic... I did get the results of my CT scan. It's not good. It looks like Endo is out to kick my ass again. The biggest thing visible is a FOOTBALL sized fluid filled mass in my abdomen. In other words, more freakin cysts and more freakin surgery. I'm not critical, yet. I'm trying to find the right kind of surgeon but I want to put off the surgery as long as I can. I need to lose some serious weight if I want any hope of recovering in a normal length of time. I also need to pick the right surgeon(s). My gastro doc won't do it (it's outside his area of expertise) but he did say he didn't see any reason why a reproductive cancer specialist can't take care of this mess AND do my hysterectomy too. What a great thing that would be...go under the knife once and do it ALL.
Comments
The only pregnancy I experienced was ectopic and I almost died. I did foster parenting in hopes of adopting a child that needed a home. We never found that child. I know that I touched a few children and that they will remember.
This is a good post.