Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Nudity!

Photos for this entry are HERE.

Yes, that's right...NUDITY!!


Heh heh. Now that I have your attention...


I like being comfortable. I am at my most comfortable when I am wandering about my house, au naturel, with the temp at a comfortable 70 degrees. I probably spend 90% of my time bare-foot and bare-assed. Tyler would probably prefer to do the same, except that he has a tendency to pee on the rug. ;-)  John tends to get cold easier than I do, so he wears sweat pants or PJ bottoms.


My mother would probably faint dead away if she read this. I was raised in the most uptight household imaginable. The naked body was something dirty that needed to be covered up and hidden away at all times. Bathroom doors were always closed and locked to prevent accidental exposure, and if that door started to open when someone was using the facilities, you would hear a shout or my mother's shrill SCREAM. Robes were always worn. You get the picture.


This restrictive environment coupled with low self-esteem turned me into a real uptight freak. I was ashamed of my own body for a very long time. Even after I'd had a couple boyfriends, they had never seen me fully undressed.


I would get stomach cramps and be nauseated when it came time to change into gym clothes at school. Even in college, I would wait until my roommate left before I would change or I would bring my clothes into the bathroom and change in the shower. Pathetic!


One of my worst fears was someone opening my stall in a public restroom. I screamed like a murder victim when someone accidentally walked in on me.


I was a mess. Funny thing was, high school and early college years my body was in it's prime. I looked great...not that anyone ever saw. Even I didn't really see, because I would avoid mirrors when I was nude. Yup...I was too embarrassed to see MYSELF naked.


So when did this attitude all change? When I was hospitalized. I was in the worst pain of my life and suddenly I didn't give a crap who saw me naked. I just wanted the pain to stop. After the surgery, I think everyone and their cousin came in to lift my gown and check out my goodies. I think morphine took the edge off my emotions, but I continued not to care. People came to visit me and I asked if they wanted to see my scar. Mind you, it was 18+ inches wide and only an inch above my pubic hair.  Not many people took me up on my offer, surprisingly.


My modesty continued to fade over time. Now it has virtually vanished. I cover up for the benefit of the pizza delivery guy, the UPS guy, the lawnmower man...etc. And I put clothes on when I leave the house (mainly because I don't want to be arrested). But around the house, I am the naked queen of my castle.


I was a little concerned when Tyler was born. I knew it wasn't an issue when he was a baby, but I wondered...at what age should I start covering up? I read an article in a child rearing book I trusted that indicated I should take my cues from Tyler. If he started looking embarrassed or hid his face in shame, it was time to get my robe out of mothballs.


He is almost 3.5 years old and shows no signs of shame or embarrassment, much to my relief. Maybe it's because his parents show no shame about their bodies? He will actually have a healthy attitude about his own body? Hmm... ya think? 


Tyler laughs at me when the doorbell rings because I have to run around looking fast for pants or a shirt. He asks me, "What are you doing Mommy? Why do you need pants? Why?"


Why, indeed.


I would end my post right there, except John shared some interesting information with me last night. He wanted to warn me about something. There is a large boulder off to the side of our front yard, near the street. Past the boulder is a narrow stretch of grass that gives way to trees, bracken and brambles that divide our yard from the no-man's land behind our next door neighbor's stockade fence. John has found a large number of beer bottles and other garbage there. He suspects this semi-hidden spot has become a teen neighborhood hangout.


I do have curtains on my large front window, but they are rather sheer. John postulated that these teens might be getting a free show along with their spot to drink brews. Heh. I thought about this for a while. Do I mind that I may have people peeping through my window? They certainly aren't getting a thrill from it, unless it's the local chapter of Chubby Chasers. More likely I am comedic relief from their stressful teenage lives.


So be it. I don't care. Naked may not be "beautiful" in my case, but it's comfortable.


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