Dream Guilt

I had an extremely disturbing dream tonight. Back in 1989, my best friend's death was ruled a suicide. Tonight's dream revealed that the whole thing was an elaborate hoax just to fake her death. All because she hated me so much. Why? My last conversation with her before she died later that day was harsh. I was harsh. She'd called me at work on a particularly horrible day, I was angry and frustrated and I took it out on my poor needy friend. She wanted to have lunch with me and I just didn't have the time.

The dream starts much later in my life. The boys are grown, my husband has died (sorry, hun!) and I am the CEO of my own successful graphic design and advertising business. It's the weekend, I'm having lunch in the park with friends when I see a good looking man having a conversation with a woman who looks strangely familiar. I head toward their picnic table and over-hear part of the conversation.

Somehow from the scrap of words I hear, I jump to the conclusion that this man is "Tom" the boy my best friend was secretly in love with in college and the woman is HER. She's alive.

I confront him and he tries to convince me that I've seen a ghost. I almost believe him but then later decide to have him followed. Turns out he's one of the key people who helped her pull off the death hoax. Even K's parents thought she was dead. (She resented them too for their controlling ways and her smothered/over protected childhood.)

When K finds out I'm on to her, she comes to my office. I try telling her what her "death" did to me, but she's still so angry. Eventually she reveals that she's there to kill me. That's when things turn really, REALLY strange.

Queue the James Bond like chase scene where K and a band of assassins are chasing me and I suddenly have all this high tech gear at my disposal. Turns out my advertising business is just a front. I secretly manufacture spy gear for the international market.

As I run from overwhelming danger, I reach the far side of a tall parking structure, deploy collapsible wings from the black backpack I'm wearing, and leap. I'm crossing my fingers that the device works because, as I jump, I realize I've never fully tested this device before. It's a prototype.

There is the dizzying sensation of falling as people are shooting at me...and then John wakes me up to take over care of the baby.

Is there a psychiatrist in the house?


Robbie said…
No psychiatrist here. I just stopped by to thank you for all the great Boston suggestions. I always associate you with being a Jersey girl and forgot that you aren't originally from there. Thanks!

P.S. When I was young I used to think my grandma didn't really die either. I would look for her in crowds. Perhaps your dream is a mixture of guilt and denial. Or, perhaps your friend is trying to give you an idea for your next action/thriller book to write. :-)
Astaryth said…
Well, looks like you have one really good plot idea for a book...maybe your subconcious wants you to become a writer!
That was definitely a strange dream though... I've never been into dream interpretation, but maybe someone else will read this that is.
i am not sure what your unconscious is trying to tell you, but i'm glad john was there to wake you up. margo
Anonymous said…
No I'm not a psychiatrist nor a dream reader. I know I would've woken up disturbed by that myself. However, I agree with the others it sounds like you have a great mystery suspense to write. Sorry I couldn't offer any profound words of advise or wisdom in this situation.

Anonymous said…
That proves it, you should write more. Great imagination.
BosieLadie said…
What a great dream, well, I don't know if I was dreamin' it if it would be so great... kinda scary. But, what an intense story! You should start writing a book, the perfect work at home job.
Anonymous said…
I once heard that a person who commits suicide dies once but the friends and family of that person die a thousand deaths. It's always going to be in the back of your mind and you're always going to worry that she was upset with you. And I'm not a phychologist either but I took a year of it and was told that dreams pretty much don't mean squat. You may have seen something during the day that reminded you of her and then seen an ad for mission impossible 3 and your brain just ran with it. Who knows for sure though.
Anonymous said…
Still looking for a picture of the baby...and stumbled onto this post! Wow. I am so sorry that you lost your best friend all those years ago. I lost mine 16 months ago. I have weird dreams about her, too. Perhaps we both wish so much that they were still alive that our brains figure out some scenario in which they could still possibly be alive. In my worst dream my best friend told me that she was still alive but that she was paralyzed and once the paramedics put the tube down her throat she couldn't speak anymore. She kept trying to tell people she was alive, but no one could hear. I'm glad your John was there to awaken you, too.

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