I haven't impulsively written about my feelings here in a very long time. It felt good to just pour out my thoughts last night. I don't like editing myself. I feel my journal is much more authentic and readable when I turn off my internal self-censors. Or I just come off sounding crazy. But hey, that's authentic too, right? ;-)
Anyway... Max is one year old today. I got an email with the subject line "For your toddler..." and about had a stroke. Holy cow, he really IS a toddler now, isn't he. No more baby. *sniff*
I should get to the point of this post. I've been thinking about Max's birth mother a lot over the last month or so. Our informal agreement with her and our agency was that we would send her photos annually using the agency as a go-between. I convinced our social worker to speak with L and subsequently got an email address. I just thought she might like to see photos a little more often. I don't know if I'm right, but I have been emailing them to her on a semi-regular basis.
Now the whole "annual" thing comes into play. I want to make a photo book through Shutterfly for L to document Max's first year. Here's my dilemma. What kinds of photos should I include?
With Tyler's birth-mom I usually just send photos of him and occasionally photos with other family in the shot. But I figure she doesn't have any interest in seeing US (or any other family members for that matter). I could be wrong, but she's never asked for any other kinds of photos and knowing B a heck of a lot better than we know L, I have a feeling if she wanted something specific, she would ask.
So what do YOU think? It's hard to put myself in L's shoes. I've never given a child up. Plus I know everyone reacts differently to emotionally charged situations. B is like the Aunt who lives far away. Our relationship is friendly and open. L is a totally different story. She has distanced herself from the whole situation. I am guessing she just wants to move on with her life and not dwell. So what kinds of photos will she want to see? I'm thinking maybe just photos of Max on his own...perhaps with Tyler a time or two to show that Max is having fun with his big brother.
Does she want to see the rest of the family? It's pretty obvious that Max is loved by everyone who meets him. It shows in every photo I take of him interacting with others. I dunno. I guess I'll just start going through pictures and put a bunch into a folder and see what I come up with.