Roasted Peppers Make Me Hawt!

I've come to the conclusion that I am a total sensualist. I am all about the feeling of silk, satin and chiffon against my skin. I love a hot bath in a jetted tub with loads of bubbles and scented oils. Swimming in the nude. Running my hands over fur (preferable on a LIVE animal) makes me all quivery. But the worst part about my hedonistic tendencies? The near orgasmic pleasure I derive from eating.

Today is a good example. I ordered plain pizza and a chef salad delivered from a local Italian deli. I expected the salad to be of ordinary ilk...a few cold cuts and cheese on a big bed of greens. But no! Instead they sent this masterpiece filled with fancy rolls of ham and american, cones of salami and provolone, chunks of fresh mozzarella and strings of juicy red roasted peppers, strips of tasty turkey and loads of red onion, cucumber slices, tomatoes... I forgot all about the pizza and dug into that salad with relish; using my fingers. Anyone else out there enjoy eating salad with their fingers? I had the dressing on the side and had fun picking up certain tidbits and dipping them delicately into my Thousand Island dressing.

Oh my gosh... the roasted peppers and mozzarella made me moan with pleasure! So so tasty!

And people wonder why diets don't work for me. Would YOU be able to diet if eating a salad gave you as much pleasure as a weekend alone at a five star resort with someone you lusted after? Free massage included?

Gah. I'll never be thin.

(Special message to my mother. Don't give me an ice cream maker from William-Sonoma for my anniversary and expect me to lose weight too. That's like bringing crack wrapped in a bow to someone in rehab. Seriously.)