Looking back... again.

I turned 50 this year and it seems to have made me even more introspective than usual. Things have been hectic for the last month or so as we run up to the end of school. Lots of projects and getting ready for Tyler to graduate from 8th grade. Next year - high school! It's such a weird thought. My son is headed to high school. Most of the time I feel like my high school days weren't all that long ago.

I had a thought this morning that sent my mind racing back into the past. I was a rather shy and introverted child. I was happy as a clam just sitting alone and reading a book in my bedroom at home. If I didn't have a few extroverted friends, I might never have left the house. Thankfully, there were a few people along the way that would drag me out into the sunlight from time to time.  My elementary school friends, Sarah, Laura and Jane. I love you guys. I wish we'd never lost touch.  I want to thank my friend Pam for being the first friend who pushed me toward boys and forced me to flirt. Without Pam and, later, Chris - I might NEVER have had a boyfriend. After high school, there was my work friends - Sue, Harry, Kerry, and Sarah. I always seemed to have great luck when I had a friend named Sarah. And Kerry...he was a little person.  That was not, however, the first thing you'd notice about him. He had a BIG personality. So big, you didn't even realize he was quite a bit shorter than everyone else. He made me feel beautiful in a wildly inappropriate way. What a charmer! But it was risky dancing with him. Sadly, as is far too common with big personalities in tiny packages, he had serious health problems and passed after complications from a heart transplant. I miss him too.

I also think being inside my own head so much of the time is what made it so hard for me to relate to my brother. He is 5 years younger than me, so the age difference was already difficult, but he was also rather extroverted and high energy. I am a very low energy kind of person.  He didn't get me, I didn't get him and we never really bonded very well, sadly. It's a shame. As I get to know him, now, later in life, he seems like a really fun person.

I don't have any of that anymore, sadly. No extroverted friends. No one to drag me out of the house and get me into trouble now and then. I miss it.


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