Friday, May 31, 2013

Memory Lane

I spent 5 days combing through 12 years worth of digital photography. Why? I was loading up a 4 GB compact flash drive for use in a digital picture frame I bought a number of years ago. It's been sitting on the floor in my office for ages and I finally decided it was time to set it up. Even when I first bought it, I knew it was going to be a HUGE project to undertake. See, I take a LOT of pictures. In the end, I have well over 1000 of my all time favorites from my photo collection on this CF card. (I wonder if I should upload them all into an album somewhere...who would ever take the time to look at that many pictures all at once!)

The frame is on my desk, at the moment and I find myself glancing at the slide show in a kind of mesmeric haze. We really have had a lot of good times over the years. So far! I am not done yet!

One funny side-effect of looking at over a decade of photos, sorted by has sure brought back a lot of memories! It even caused one nightmare. I woke in a panic thinking Tyler had escaped out the front door (I think the door slamming at just before 8 am this morning may have triggered the dream.) When he was a toddler, he was an escape artist. We had gates all over the house trying to contain him. He would often try and let himself out the front door. Luckily, we always caught him before he escaped. We can laugh about it now...but the child needed a crib tent just to keep him in his bed at night. What a little monkey!

See this setup? It was the only thing that gave me peace of mind.

We also had the door chime enabled on our security system so we'd get an alert every time a door was opened. You just never knew... I can laugh now. Tyler is 11 so I don't feel quite so nervous if he decides to walk out the front door. Heh. Ok. Maybe a little bit nervous.

*sigh* Where does the time go. I do miss this little monkey. He was so tall at 3! Wow.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Anxiety sucks...

It's been a rough week. No specific reason why...just a general sense of being overwhelmed and exhausted culminating in the arrival of Aunt Flo for the second time this month. OK! So maybe I do have some specific reasons why.

I had planned to take Max to a birthday party today. Sounds like no big deal, right? I've lost a lot of weight. I am feeling a little more confident in my ability to get from place to place. But I called this party place just to inquire if they were wheelchair accessible. Nope. The party room was on a second floor, no elevator. Just stairs. OK. I can do stairs most days.  I'm back to using my cane this week because I've been very wobbly. Is there a place for adults to sit? Sorta. They have a "side area" where they can "let you hang out."

I was already feeling sick, weak from blood loss, and generally overwhelmed. Then the panic attack hit. I haven't had one of those in AGES. My heart rate was through the roof, I couldn't breathe, I was seeing spots and I started to pant and cry. I felt very stupid for reacting that way. It's a silly kid's birthday party. If there was no where to sit (my back can't take long stretches of standing) then I'd just have to leave and come back later. But I didn't want to let Max down.

I tried to reason my way through it - telling myself all the alternatives I could do if this place wasn't going to be a comfortable one for me. It wasn't working. I didn't tell John how much I was freaking out, but I think he could tell. Even tho he'd already done baseball in the morning and taken the boys out for lunch, he said he'd do the party too. Maybe even the fair later, if he wasn't too tired.

Don't even get me started on the fair. Never been to this one or the place it's being held. NO IDEA if there are restrooms, places to sit, how crowded...there goes my brain again. I had planned to go. I really did want to! Really! I wanted to get pictures of Max on the rides. *sigh*

I'm at home. I didn't go. Too many unknowns and I was freaking out again. So I am fighting to get my physical health back. I think the mental health is going to take much much longer.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Packing Lunch

One of my daily temptations involves packing school lunches. Last night Max was crouched on the floor fiddling with something.

Me: What are you doing?

Max: Collecting eggs.

Me: From where???

Max:  Easter.

Me: You still have Easter eggs?

Max: Oh yeah! I haven't eaten hardly any of mine.

Me: *mumbles* Good thing I didn't know that. What are you doing with those eggs?

Max: Well...can you do me a favor tonight? I have 20 eggs. *fiddles* Make that 30 eggs. Can you open them all and put the candy into my lunch box?

Me: 30 Easter Eggs worth of candy?! You want me to put all that junk into your lunch?!! I don't think that's a good idea. That's not very healthy.

Max: Oh come on Mom! I won't eat it all tomorrow. I just want it in my lunch box. Just in case.

Just in case of what, I wonder. Candy shortage? I opened all the eggs and only put about 5 eggs worth into his lunch. Today, after school, I asked if he enjoyed the candy.

Max: Mom! You only put in a little bit! But I found the rest in a paper bag on the table and dumped it all into my lunch box myself this morning.

Me: *facepalm* I sure hope you didn't eat all that!

Max: Of course not! I have lots left for tomorrow.

Oh boy. That boy is something else.